Just to recount the events that led up to Charlie Sheen’s 30 day vacation in a plush Malibu rehab: Charlie Sheen and his wife were in Aspen high as fuck on crack when they got into some kind of fight where Charlie slapped Brooke and then put a knife to her neck and threatened to get O.J. Simpson on that ass.  Brooke had the misunderstanding that because she was a hot white piece of ass in Colorado that the police would put Charlie in jail.  Although not LA, Colorado is still the venue where Kobe Bryant anally raped some chick and got off without even getting probation. And he’s Black.  Charlie could be disrupted from filming his hit show 2 1/2 men so got  30 days in rehab for threatening to kill his wife with a kitchen knife.  He also has such an air tight prenuptial that Brooke doesn’t want to divorce him even though he bangs hooker in front of her.  Tiger Pay attention, your prenup sucks.

Sandra Bullock surprised no one by filing for divorce although she did pull a black baby out of a hat.   Well, actually she’s adopting the baby from New Orleans but whats the difference?  According to People.com:

“He’s just perfect, I can’t even describe him any other way,” Bullock reveals exclusively in the new issue of PEOPLE, announcing that she is the proud mother of Louis Bardo Bullock, a 3½-month-old boy, born in New Orleans. “It’s like he’s always been a part of our lives.”

Bullock, 45, and husband Jesse James, 41, began the adoption process four years ago and brought Louis home in January but decided to keep the news to themselves until after the Oscars. Their close friends and family – including James’s children Sunny, 6, Jesse Jr., 12, and Chandler, 15 – were essential in keeping the adoption a secret.

I am still trying to figure out how she talked her former Nazi husband into adopting a black kid?  Did James think that he was raising the kid for a BBQ?  Moving target practice? Jesse James will surely be disappointed and his sharp shooting will suffer.

Larry King is either old and senile or dumb as fucking rocks.  The man just filed for his 8th divorce and Larry had no prenup.  According to TMZ:

Sources tell us Larry — who was married 7 times before tying the knot with Shawn — did not demand a prenup.  As one source close to the situation tells TMZ, “She is a tall, good-looking blonde and that pretty much explains it.”

Larry’s net worth is reportedly estimated at $144 million.  He’s in the middle of a CNN contract reportedly worth $56 million over 4 years.

In California, earnings accumulated during a marriage are split 50/50.  Shawn and Larry have been married for nearly 13 years.

I have a 144 million dollars that I would like to invest in something that has a more than 60% percent chance of devaluing by half.  That is some of the worst decision making I have ever seen.  And if she gets full custody he is even more fucked.  Larry would be better off dead at that point. Larry could have just taken 72 million dollars and had a bonfire on his front lawn, essentially it’s the same thing.

Larry King and his wife Shawn Southwick are divorcing each other for cheating.  Jesus I didn’t know people as old and bad looking as Larry King still got laid.  Never underestimate the power of money and fame on a star fucker.   According to Radaronline.com Shwan fucked her son’s baseball coach and Larry nailed Shawn’s sister; see below:

Larry King and his wife both filed for divorce Wednesday after trading cheating accusations for nearly a year.

COURT DOCUMENTS: Read The Petition

Shawn was accused of cheating with Hector Penate, the baseball coach of one her children. Shawn denied it but Hector did not.

And in an even more bizarre twist Larry was accused of cheating with Shawn’s sister, Shannon Engemann. Larry, Shannon and Shawn all denied it but it was clear that there were big problems in the marriage.

Larry and Shawn have been battling for the past several years and Larry slapped her outside a deli in 2007.

Shawn developed an addiction to pain pills and went to rehab at Betty Ford Center in 2008.

If I already cheat on my girlfriend and have a pill addiction shouldn’t I be famous already?  That’s all these fuckers do is pop pills and fuck each other.  I think Larry sticks to the blue pills.  Shit he probably has to take 4 just to stand up in the morning and another 6 to bang some desperate, sad, middle-aged woman.

Looks like Sandra Bullock is moving on and moving out ASAP.  According to US Weekly:

A moving van was seen in front of Jesse James‘ Seal Beach, Calif. home on Friday — nearly three weeks afterSandra Bullock is said to have moved out.

X17 reports that an L.A. Delivery Service truck sat outside the house for about an hour early Friday evening. Movers loaded a couch, a love seat and numerous boxes onto the truck. A man and a woman in a separate car also arrived around the same time to pick up additional items.

I was going to write something funny but fuck it.  Good for Sandra I honestly can’t imagine what this kind of public humiliation and deception must feel like. Well, there is that one time I was involved with a midget, a one legged woman, and a video camera, but we won’t revisit that.   Great story if you get me drunk enough and two more items crossed off my bucket list.

Edit: Racist and hooker count update.

Apparently, Jesse James is the White Tiger.  The National Enquirer is reporting up to 11 different mistresses and he was even banging some of them in his office while Sandra was in the other garage.

And in a stunning slap in the face to his movie star wife, sources say Jesse turned his office into a sleazy sex den where he played porn movies and engaged in rough sex with a string of lovers.
“He’s even had sex with other women right under Sandra’s nose! One girl said Jesse would take her into his office and lock the door, while Sandra was in the garage!
n another sick twist, The ENQUIRER has discovered Jesse’s Nazi memorabilia that he kept it in his office and the home he shared with Sandra. Jesse also reportedly was photographed wearing Nazi regalia and giving a “Heil Hitler” salute.
“Jesse has a long surfboard with a full-length picture of Adolf Hitler doing the ‘Sieg Heil’ salute, along with a swastika, in his office,” explained the insider.

A few weeks ago the media was all over Tiger now they are having a feeding frenzy on Jesse James’ Nazi ass.  I bet Tiger has all of Jesse James’ Nazi hookers stashed around the greater Los Angeles area.  Tiger just pushes a button from his yacht and out comes another cheap-Nazi-Craigslist-hooker.  Tiger is one smart mother fucker.

Sandra Bullock has decided to divorce that Nazi banging caveman as more and more whores come out in their nazi uniforms.  Sandra had the foresight not to sell her woodland hills home where she has been hiding out for a bit while she got her affairs in order.  According to Radaronline.com

And as RadarOnline.com breaks the exclusive news that Sandra has decided to divorce, her rep told People that Sanda is not considering adopting Jesse’s daughter Sunny “nor have there ever been any plans for Sandra to adopt any of Jesse’s children.”

Looks like she is making a clean break and keeping her dignity intact.  Tiger Wood’s wife Elin Nordegren has no dignity and was bought for a several million dollars.  It’s nice to see that some women still have self respect.  I guess it helps that Sandra is worth 10x what Jesse James is worth.    Well, you can’t say that Jesse James was blind sided by the divorce, banging Nazi Hookers off Craigslist is usually a deal breaker.